Thank you to all the friends who made it out for our last circle to share your story and to hold space for the sharing of another's story. I have been holding those stories close to my heart, and in prayer for all of the many challenges and unknown factors woven in those stories. We had illuminating conversation about so many heavy topics, and I am grateful for your willingness to show up. This work is messy, but I hope that this container we are weaving together is supporting you both in and outside of our circle. I know that this is beginning to happen for me.
I wanted to share an offering of wisdom that came out of our circle because it is actually very timely for me, and believe that it will probably feel timely for others here as well. Boundaries was a big theme in our sharing this week, and many of us were grappling with assaults on our boundaries, by the men in our lives. We were sharing about the pain and hurt that we feel when the men in our lives dismiss or refuse to acknowledge our boundaries, and how much unpaid, unacknowledged, unreceived, and, unappreciated emotional labor is spent not only trying to hold our boundaries but trying to educate about why men putting us in those positions is a symptom of patriarchy. We talked about how unjust it was that so much of our emotional energy gets depleted by these conversations and interactions, with no return. How much of our energy is spent in an effort to explain our truth to someone who refuses to hear? Just within our circle, there was a lot. Energy that could perhaps be better spent investing in ourselves. Most of us expressed how we really struggled through these conversations and desired a more effective way of honoring ourselves and our time and energy.
In response to these conversations, one of our circle members offered what I think, is a really great strategy for engaging.
When you find yourself in a situation where the men in your lives are exploiting your emotional labor, and they are not receptive to your truths, or not able/ willing to consider the patriarchy in their behaviors, it is okay to say:
"I am feeling really frustrated. I am exhausted. I don't feel like you are going to hear me. I don't want to have this conversation anymore."
Perhaps this strategy will offer some of you a way to reclaim your emotional labor for yourself, and for others who are in a place of receptiveness.
